that
in darkness do we so conceive
so uniquely sweet the secret
breathless at the outcome
timeless seconds in song
as if a logic of all the world
or as precious in forgetting it
the smallest death souls contain 12:01am comments?
Sweet
OK, it wasn’t that simple. But I have come to realize that I have figured out a lot. And I have started to write some code, alternating between that and fill in holes in the theory where they come up as I implement. As I do all this, I get the sense that I am delving into a deep place, and that I work with wonders greater than this simple man’s simple logics.... When I wrote down the Theoretica (posted below), I had the feeling “I’m done,” not that I was going to stop what I was doing, but that I had finally come to the threshold where if someone were to sit down with what I had written, if they were bright enough, that they could make something work from it. How sweet is life. 12:01am comments?
The Theoretica
Once in every great while one comes upon an idea that is as if the universe is using you as a means to express itself. I don’t know how many times I tingled after I wrote this down.
Click on pic for larger version. 12:01am comments?
June 20, 2009
itself
how the heart yet presents itself to itself
not wanting anything that life has for me
then desiring desperately for immortality
in the commons of the housing of “to be”
the different shapes hammered into place
the smell of fresh decay no one admits to
we have all thought it one time or another
changing the subject, no one is watching
remembering things like everyone sees
i have nothing but this moment right now
time has always been an illusion, vanishing
so is everything i do like a temporary fix
just one more time and i swear that’ll be it
how the heart yet presents itself to itself 12:01am comments?
Close
I started to think, “It can’t be this simple.” I went over it a couple three times in my head, what the algorithm was supposed to be. “I must be missing something,” started to rear its head in my head. Now, then, as I start to write, as the code begins to formulate from my fingertips, a certain feeling glows from within, a sort of faith, that all of it will somehow fit together, that all the elements will resolve. And also a feeling: once I chance upon the secret, everything will fall into place. What I have written down so far may only skirt the edges of the promise, I know. But I put my trust in the higher powers, that when I am ready for it, I will see the rose unfold. And there will be only beauty.
In other news, I thought I was free from the day job, and woke up at 5:30pm on Monday prepared to stay up all night coding. Unfortunately, they informed me at about 10pm that they had a day’s worth more work for me to do. Alas. As I describe above, I did get to do some of the good stuff all Monday night, so I really can’t complain. Even if I had to mentally shift gears again, from something interesting to what pays the bills. I guess I could have turned them down, but that’s not really my style. I like the idea of follow through, that you’ll stick with something till the bitter end. More or less. If it’s only a matter of a few extra hours, especially. So there you go there.
What else? I am looking at the corner where I turn 40. It’s drawing closer and closer as we speak, like a big dead end sign. Though I know it isn’t. I don’t buy that 40 is the new 30; turning 30 was bad enough, anyway. Perhaps it’s best not to dwell on it. And other than that, I think I know what my poetry is supposed to be — I have had a vision about vision, so I guess that would be a metavision. We’ll see if I can actualize what I hold in my head is the target of the words I must puzzle together. I have stopped writing on palad1n.com, but I have had some activity on Ancienti, above right there. All in all, not a bad life that I’m living. Close enough for government work.
In which there is something simple that no one has seen which I must find. 12:01am comments?
Quote
Some will not believe in miracles because the laws of nature work uniformly. But their uniformity is undisturbed by human operations; the will of man wields, without cancelling, these mighty forces which surround us: and why may not the will of God do the same?
Quiet
This is how I feel right now.
Click on pic for larger version. 12:01am comments?
June 11, 2009
the test
why must i have faith?
will the time never come?
and yet, i know i must endure
for life is a test, even as it is enjoyed
no time like the present to improve
no time but the present to improve
the Lord keeps us curious
the dream forever out of reach
until it all somehow happens 12:01am comments?
The Idea
It is a swarm of thought that swirls in my mind. Somewhere, it all makes sense. I am tantalizingly on the edge of tasting it: the method to the madness, as it were. There is a nexus I am approaching, where what is possible becomes what is actual, where the dreams touch down into the world. Then, from the winds of chaos I pluck notes, here and there, to form a strange song. Is this the tune? It is strung haphazardly in my imagination, and I wonder if will bear the weight of meaning. But perhaps it is a start, after all... One can hope. Even now. 12:01am comments?
My Piece of 8
Minted in Potosi, Bolivia in 1689. 8 reales from the time of pirates. 12:01am comments?
June 6, 2009
Quote
God has not cared that we should anywhere have assurance of His very words; and that not merely, perhaps, because of the tendency in His children to word-worship, false logic, and corruption of the truth, but because He would not have them oppressed by words, seeing that words, being human, and therefore but partially capable, could not absolutely contain or express what the Lord meant, and that even He must depend for being understood upon the spirit of His disciple. Seeing that it could not give life, the letter should not be throned with power to kill.
North Korea
I read this piece and immediately bought the book, and another book on the subject. (And some chopsticks, but that was only to get free shipping.) 12:02am comments?
Forward
I have written as a status update on LinkedIn: “John H. has looked enough, and is leaping.” This last weekend I prepped myself, as if from a relaxed state to crouch in anticipation of a pounce. I finished a book called In Pursuit of Elegance, which has a 140 character forward by Guy Kawasaki, to put me in a good mindset to architect my work. I have read inspiring things by the architect Louis I. Kahn, who was the one that drew up the most inspiring piece of architecture, the Salk Institute for Biological Studies. I wrote a corollary for the two elements of my theory for artificial intelligence (#1 being what I call “the greater”, #2 “the lesser”). But you see, I have been one month away from finishing for a year now. So take it all with a grain of salt, I might say.
In fact, I have been reading a lot recently. In addition to the book above, I’ve finished recently another book by Karen Armstrong (the first I read was in 2001, A History of God, which I loved). This one was The Bible: A Biography, and it was very quick reading. This goes along with the fact that I’ve also completed reading the Bible for the fourth time, and I am currently on the fifth reading as we speak. The last one and this one are contemporary English versions, different ones. In the one I’ve completed, I finally understood one difficult passage that I’d never been able to quite get, in any of the King James, New International, and New King James versions. And I have another contemporary English version, too, and I’ve ordered one more. Really, if you intend to read the Bible, I’d suggest you try this way. So much more accessible.
I finally ordered my pirate coin, a piece of 8, last week. After all this lurking on the coin sites, waiting for a good piece that was affordable and looked decent. But when it came, it turned out they sent me the wrong coin. Egad. Not that it was a bad coin they sent me, but it was just not the one I ordered. Not the one I wanted. So, well, I returned it, they profusely apologized, etc., etc... just wish I had my coin in my hands. But it looks like that will end well when it does. What else is going on? I went to Central Park, finally, Tuesday, for the first time in the 3 years that I’ve lived here, 2/3 of a block away (not including the short trip to Strawberry Fields to take a picture of the Imagine). The place is huge; I almost got lost. Glad to have finally gone. And so it goes. Forward, with increasing velocity.
In which I’m pretty happy, but quite, quite alone. 12:01am comments?
